Run as to Win

I went for a jog this morning. It's not a long circuit, and I don't jog fast; but at the beginning of autumn, I could barely walk it.

So I talked to myself as I jogged/walked about how much easier today was than yesterday, and how much easier yesterday was than Wednesday. "Self, I want you to remember that exercise is easier and more fun, the more often you do it!"

That made me think suddenly of prayer. Could prayer be easier, and more fun, the more often I do it?

I know this to be true about my bible reading. If I take a break from it, it can be hard slugging to get back on track. Just like exercise: if I take several days to rest, eat up, and relax; then it can be hard slugging the next time I set out for a walk.

Yesterday was intensely windy here. I'd had a difficult night, and I knew that if I was going to have strength for the day, I would have to do two things:

1. read my bible

2. get some exercise

So I set out for a run in the wind. I ran mostly to get it over with faster.

You know, I found it really difficult. My head throbbed, my eyes watered, my feet were sore, and I was making slow going in the wind. But I kept self talking: "I'm not giving up; I'm not quitting". I was half talking it, half praying. I needed to apply it to every area of my life at that moment. But that run didn't last forever, and I was happy and refreshed when it was done. Also, I was stronger.

Shall I admit that occasionally my "quiet time" with the Lord can be that way? Sometimes I have to make myself focus on the words I'm reading again and again. Sometimes I have to start over, and read it aloud to myself to make sure I'm listening! Sometimes I have to cry. Sometimes I have to repent of the same things, over and over. Sometimes...... Sometimes I feel alone, and as if all this self discipline in my bible reading is making no difference.

BUT. When I was feeling that way yesterday, the scripture came into my mind:

The Word of the Lord is living, and active: sharper than any two-edged sword: penetrating to the dividing assunder of the soul and spirit; the joints and marrow; and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart.

Living and active... Yes, that's right. Even when I don't feel it, the word is working on my behalf! It is a seed, that I planted in my heart, my mind, my life.

Sometimes when I plant my garden in the spring, it is cold outside; windy; drizzly; discouraging. But this makes no difference to the seed. It is buried dead, beneath the unassuming earth, BUT. The bible says the ground produces of itself! Soon the dead seed begins to swell with moisture, soon it begins to break. In its brokeness it sends out a root, and a tender, pale shoot. For awhile, you can see nothing, even though the seed is alive. You could go out to my garden two weeks after I've planted my carrots and say: "There's nothing there. It's not working."

But I can testify to you here, that it has always worked. I have always gotten carrots. This year, I had more carrots than I knew what to do with! They are still in buckets in my cold room, and we will eat off of that harvest for many months!

Can the bible be like that? Yes. Jesus said that the sower sows the word. That means that the one who desires a harvest in any area of his (her) life must plant the word of God. Sometimes when we do, it is raining in our lives. Other times, it is sunny and warm. Either way, we recoginize our need to seed. And we get up early one more time, reading His word.

Just the same, we recognize our need for energy, health, and strength, so we go out and jog, wether it is sunny or windy.

We just don't quit, and we expect a harvest. Living, and Active.

Yes.

A re-post from "journey on to healing"

I wanted to jot down a couple of other things I'd been thinking about in relation to healing and the Word of God.
First,
I was thinking about juicers.
I have a centrifugal juicer which sort of grates the carrots, and flings the pieces around so that they are thrown against a screen. The pressure of this "flinging" makes the juice pass through the screen and drain into the cup, while the pulp works its way to the top of the screen and then is ejected out the back of the juicer.
I also have a "masticating" juicer (masticating means chewing). It sends the carrots down an auger which grinds and presses them, squeezing the juice out of the pulp.
A centrifugal juicer is faster- it is louder (and thus more impressive). It just whips those carrots around, and soon you have a tall frothy glass of carrot juice! But, in all that whipping, the carrot juice can be oxidized more- the antioxidants would be degraded, and there often isn't as much juice produced as in a masticating juicer.
A masticating juicer works slower, quieter. It takes more effort on my part to force them down the feeding tube, and more effort in my cutting them up first (no big opening on the top, like the centrifugal juicer). The carrots are exposed to less air, and there is generally more juice extracted. It may seem to take more work, but the product is more nutritious, and will keep longer in the fridge.
And this got me thinking!
Is that how I sometimes approach the bible? Like it is something to be done every morning just out of neccessity? Do I just go downstairs and shove some bible verses in there, whip them around in order to get a quick drink, and then carry on to "more important things"? Have I been trying to go through the "bible drive through"?
Will I choose instead to "masticate" the word of God- to chew on it- to turn it over and over, and to crush it- to put pressure on it- to make sure that I squeeze everything out of it that I can?
Will I be willing to slow down, and encorporate a high quality product, savoring it, swishing it around in my mouth? Yes, carrot juice will cost me more than a stop at the McDonald's drive through for a coffee. It will cost me more in time, and in price. But it will give me something to live on. Something to build my life out of.
When I want to cook a roast, I like it to be flavorful, and tender. I often put it in the cast iron pot with some onions and garlic, and then cook it very slowly: all day long. BUT, if I want it to be done faster, I need to put pressure on it- I would need to put it in the pressure cooker. Just so, if I want to really benefit from God's word, I need to both slow down, and put pressure on it. We put pressure on it by doing what it says- by believing it enough to act on what it says.
For me, on Monday, that meant eating turkey. I eat 90% raw vegan (for health reasons, not ethical reasons) and I have eaten meat perhaps only two times in the last year. Monday was our church banquet. I ate a bit of quinoa before I went in case there was nothing I could eat there, but as I sat at the banquet not wanting to explain to everyone why I was eating NOTHING, I felt the Holy Spirit challenging me to trust Him, to trust what He said. If I really am healed in Christ, then I can eat turkey.
So, I tentatively ate my salad WITH the dressing (I don't eat any fat), and then slowly chewed on my carrots and green beans. I skipped the bun, but then I was down to the turkey and mashed potatoes! I ate a corner of turkey with gravy. I thought about it. Then I ate another corner. I thought about it. I reviewed in my mind my commitment to trust God, and my unwillingness to fear because He is with me. I chose not to fear- no matter what. I ate about half of the turkey (I offered Jed my potatoes).
For me this was an act of faith. I chose to step out, and I chose not to fear. It wasn't easy, but it was right.
I went home that evening, and felt fine, I continued to feel fine the entire evening. But I want to remember here, that it was as I ate my meal IN FAITH, that it was incorporated into my body and used as a blessing. It's the same in doing my bible reading- when I read it IN FAITH, mixing belief with what I've heard (the kind of belief that acts- that steps out and does it), then it will be real in my life- it will happen. It will be alive to me.

Healing Habits

I know that since my healing there are several habits I've kept up- probably most of them without thinking of it. But I thought it would be good to jot something down about how to maintain a life free of depression.
1. I read my bible every day. It is what led to my having a sound mind- I've found that I simply cannot live without it. It's like the bible's story of the "mad man of Gederra". I am clothed and in my right mind, and I want to keep it that way. God's word is what makes a sound mind.
2. Prayer. I know I can ask God for help now. When things seem overwhelming, and I feel like I am sinking, I ask Him to help me, and He always does. But I do believe that I need to stay in relationship with Jesus in order to see His work in my life. You can have this too, at any time! We stay in relationship with Him through daily bible reading, and prayer. He always hears us!
3. I talk (periodically) about how I feel to Jed. There have been times when I started to feel attacked by thoughts of death, or other things that aren't my true demeanor now. But now when I tell Jed about it, it seems to disperse those thoughts, and cause them to lose their power. (He will pray for me too, at those times.) Part of the power of those lies is when you keep it inside and mull over it again and again. I don't do that now- I expose them. Find a strong (bible believing) Christian you can confide in, or a good church (that believes in healing) where you can ask for prayer.
4. I speak scriptures. What has better power over a lie than the truth?
5. I make an effort to focus on those around me- not just what is good for myself. A life focused only on self often ends up to be discouraging. A life focused on loving another has less time for self defeating introspection!
6. I refuse to think despairing thoughts. If I really don't know what else to think, I'll prop up my bible in front of my eyes and read it aloud to myself, until I can think of something good to fix my mind on!
7. I fill my mind with right teaching. I listen to preaching cds (and messages online) that have a positive message: a FAITH message. No one battling depression would be helped by any preaching that says "God made you sick for a reason." or, "God is Sovereign, so this must just be part of His plan for you." Now, God is Sovereign alright, but He is also LOVE, and Love always protects. It is not God's plan for any of His children to be depressed! (Would you plan that for your own children?) I feed myself on messages of hope, not on reasons to stay in bondage.
8. I eat better than I did before. This is not the only key, but it helps. Bare minimum: No More Sugar!
9. I get more exercise than before. Not the only solution, but it does help. On the days I go for a walk, I notice more energy, etc. I feel refreshed mentally too. In winter I will walk on the treadmill.
10. I know that how I feel isn't neccessarily "truth", and that it will pass. I know that I have a choice of what I will yield to. If it's late at night, and my blood sugar feels low, and I know where I am in my cycle, and I find I feel hopeless... Now I know that I can sink into a pool of self pity, or I can just get up and go to bed (often with an mp3 player of scriptures going in my ears), and that I will be better able to battle those emotions in the morning. Now I am free, I am not dominated.
Remember, it is for freedom that Christ has set us free. He came to seek and to save that which was lost. He came for you- so that you could live a life free of depression. He is with you today- talk to Him. Call on His name, and He will answer. He is so faithful.

One More Day

Sleeping in without feeling guilty, anxious, or stressed.

Waking up beside Jed.

A hot shower, running water, clean feeling, smooth hair.

Breakfast for littles, mediums, and bigs.

Laundry to fold, clean and fresh.

Worship music, dance, song.

Reading Proverbs with Jed, finishing Esther in the KJV.

Zucchini pancakes!

Driving, reading, all sitting close and attentive.

Small gifts.

Kittens. Many kittens!

Soft, fur, purr, little tails, big ears.

Drive home.

To have a home.

Oatmeal for supper, and children who think that's cool!

Carrots, orange, vitamins- small things worthy of appreciation.

A friend for Jed to spend the evening with.

A new game to play with the children.

Evening, close and snug- the reassuring sameness of the dusk.

A new day swelling before us- Sabbath.

Rest.

His Rest.

So be it Father, one more day lived before you, one more day of Your great grace. Intimate and close, Your reality of grace played out in laundry done, dishes washed, children bathed, and minds read to.

One more day that will never come again- never will we be just here, or see these sights, and Oh, the gentleness of a God who never changes, but is willing to help us to adjust to change gradually.

Fasting.

Hunger.

Emptiness that shows that He is neccessary, that we must depend on Him.

Prayer.

Knees, chair, silence. Breath. His Breath.

He's hearing me.

He's speaking to me.

It is enough to know that He is so real, and He is so willing.

Amen. So be it Lord.

Worship.

His Face so near, even though we don't see.

Praise, fleeting thoughts, good memories, glimpses of future.

Gratefulness that overflows, and washes away what seemed to matter so much before.

Now there is no One else. Only You.

The great Enough.

Thank You.

Breaking the Mind Habit

I've been reading from "The Cross and the Switchblade" by David Wilkerson (founder of Teen Challenge).
Toward the end of the book, he talks about how the boys (addicted to heroine, etc.) managed to get free of their addictions.
He credits the baptism of the Holy Spirit.
If you are new to this term, it is simply what Jesus mentioned to His disciples when He said "But you will recieve power when the Holy Spirit comes on you, and you will be My witnesses..."
It is also what happened on the day of Pentecost to the new, young church. They were already believers in Jesus, but now the Holy Spirit came to dwell within them, and He also "came upon" them- they were immersed in Him, and spoke in other tongues- a new heavenly language- the Holy Spirit speaking and praying through them.
David Wilkerson says in The Cross and the Switchblade that the boys who had been addicted, and then recieved the baptism of the Holy Spirit, would spend time in the chapel of the centre praying in tongues when they started to get a craving for heroine.
I think we need to realize how miraculous this is- somebody with a serious addiction can't just quit cold turkey, and then have a peaceful time praying without ever considering getting the next fix, and yet these boys did just that. Many of them avoided the absolute hellishness of withdrawal, and also the extremely high risk of going back to the drugs.
They mentioned the "mind habit". That the drugs will be out of a person's system in a few days, and that's it, but the mind habit will follow the person relentlessly harrassing them until they cave in and use again. BUT. The boys who'd been baptised in the Holy Spirit overcame the mind habit too- they had a new voice on the inside of them.
It's like that with depression- it's a demon which constantly harrasses the individual until they just can't take it anymore, and they begin to consider suicide. BUT. The baptism of HOLY SPIRIT displaces that demon, just like light displaces darkness. Now the voice of depression is on the outside, not on the inside, and we don't have to listen to it, because we are filled with the Spirit of Christ, and immersed in His power!
If you haven't recieved that power, you can look to God's word- it says "How much more will your Heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to them that ask Him." If you ask Him too come dwell inside of you, to rebirth you, to immerse you in His power, He will. It is why He sent His Son Jesus to die in our place for our sins- to take our punishment- so that we could be made clean, and recieve the indwelling and baptism of His Holy Spirit and live a new life- a life free of depression.

Changing Focus

Thankyou Lord for:

Bright sunshine in my room this morning- it makes it so much easier to get up early when the room is full of light. Thankyou that I woke up feeling good. Thankyou for a great sleep last night!

Thankyou for helping me to get my bible reading done this morning. You know how desperately I need to renew my mind, and that's where it starts. Lord, that's number one with you and me- I need to be in Your word, and thankyou for helping me!

Thankyou for beautiful weather, and that my garden is growing! Each day without wind has been such a gift, and this beautiful spring has brought such life to my soul!

Thankyou for Your grace and mercy, that nothing I can do is irreperable! Thankyou that I am changing, even if in small stages. I can't always see the changes, but the word says we see Jesus- Holy Spirit, help me to keep my focus on Him!!

Thankyou for giving me people to practice on- You said that God is Love. I wouldn't really know You if I wouldn't love. Thankyou for this pressure tank of parenting, that forces me to face my own inadequacies daily, hourly, minutely. Thank you that I can't escape, and that I don't want to!! I want to be here with You, and to walk this out. Lord, thankyou also for Your mercy for my children, being mothered by a woman in progress.

Thankyou for the pool that I had to go to Walmart to buy filters for, and the husband who I had to pick up a meal for at Burger Baron, thankyou for all the little Reasons that I had to be in town and running errands. You are a God of great blessing! Thankyou that I have my children with me, and even though I was not a stellar example today, thankyou for the things that I was able to offer them- a new Christian cd, 10 minutes of Creflo Dollar on the way to town, a prayer for guidance before we left. God, I don't want to fool myself into thinking that my sins don't matter, but I don't want to give them all the glory around here either! God you are Good, you are Real, you are Ever Patient and Forgiving. Let me see today that Your forgiveness is greater than my capacity to fail!

-Liberty

You've been made free!

The book of Romans is often considered a difficult text for the average reader. But reading it in the Message has really made it come alive for me. It was exciting to read Romans this morning!! Take a look:

Romans 6:12-14 (The Message)
12-14That means you must not give sin a vote in the way you conduct your lives. Don't give it the time of day. Don't even run little errands that are connected with that old way of life. Throw yourselves wholeheartedly and full-time—remember, you've been raised from the dead!—into God's way of doing things. Sin can't tell you how to live. After all, you're not living under that old tyranny any longer. You're living in the freedom of God.

Photo: My children waiting for the amusement park to open. : )